Sometimes I feel that the good old 27 minute bulletin on Doordarshan was so much better than the 24X7 news channels that yell about today. Sometimes, I also feel that the good old 16 page Times of India was so much better than the 40 page all colour compact international version today. And I'm not even 40 yet.

Tata's Nano is showcased on Aaj Tak as if 400 new cars on Bombay's streets weren't bad enough. Arushi has become a household name as if it wasn't bad enough for her to get murdered at her age. The importance of standard ten marks is showcased on frontpages as if students weren't stressed enough already. The anchor of Sansani talks as if my father didn't yell enough at me when I was a kid. Stupid game shows are broadcast as if just simple cricket and football weren't good enough. Tulsi dies and reincarnates as if the world wouldn't go on without her. Rakhi Sawant continues her yelling as if her looks weren't bad enough. Abhishek Bachchan dances like an idiot in cellphone advertisements as if his acting weren't bad enough.

Sometimes, I think ignorance really must be bliss.

So, it's been a while now. I hope all's well with the readers of this humble blog. This might turn out to be a rather lengthy post, so, as the BMC would say, 'kindly bear with us'.

This review is about Sarkar Raj. This is a sequel to what was a marginally better movie. There are many factors that let this movie down. Let us begin with the actors. The main cast consists of Amitabh Bachchan, Abhishek Bachchan and Aishwarya Rai-Bachchan. They do not act in this movie. They mumble things to themselves and to each other.

Amitabh Bachchan, in many of his scenes, says the same thing over and over again. The line sounds something like, "Bhhhgrr rgrgm ha bhum shibsh sarkaar bhhfgrr." In one such scene he reminds one of Marlon Brando. Unfortunately, the reason for the reminder is bad acting. 'Damn, he's trying so hard' yells the voice in one's head.

Abhiskeh Bachchan tries to be an intense actor. Needless to say, he fails miserably. He tries to set the screen on fire by looking directly into the camera's lense with an expression that's meant to scare someone, or possibly to create some kind of respect for 'the transformed man'. But what is achieved is laughter.

Aishwarya Rai-Bachchan is great. She has been given scenes that she can portray best. Look at the actor with dreamy eyes when he's thinking about murdering someone, cry when he's dead, cry when her father's dead, et. al. So, she does that very well.

Cut to the director. Ram Gopal Varma. Honestly, one does not know his real reasons for making this movie. There are some options, though. Proving a pointless point such as 'The Bachchans can act', for instance. Or 'Background scores can make a movie a box office hit', or possible even, 'Confusion towards the end is a great technique in filmmaking'. There are endless such possible reasons for the making of this so called movie. But I'd like to think that RGV has made it with one particular reason in mind. 'I'm not doen with my worst yet'. Yes, that, I think, is the precise reason for the very making of this film.

There are also some secondary factors that let this two and a half hour amateur flick down. Background music leads from the front. The sene where Amitabh Bachchan rolls down the car window, for instance. It sure takes a genius to think that some great drum-roll might be necessary in a shot lke that. Or even for every other scene where there is no real requirement for it. The abuse of Dolby's digital sound can be clubbed with this point. The very first scene involves shots of an SUV entering a house. For some reason, this SUV just roars away, even when it is at a speed of 10kph at best. This was the prime reason I could not put myself to sleep in spite of the lack of a story or script or acting or scenes...

Shot selection is a close runner up. One can understand the need for shots that depict power, strength and even menace. But then what's the point of a shot where you can't see anyone on screen, because there is solar flare all over it. One is all for film noir and just listening to voices on screen, but the reason for that musn't be the cinematographer's incompetence.

The wasting of people that can actually act. People who played Somji and Vora seemed much better actors than any of the so called lead cast. But their roles were simply wasted away, making them fools who like to hum Bollywood tunes or stereotypical netas who generally give speeches on mute and constantly drink water from packaged water bottles.

So far, this is all I have to say about this filmmaking attempt. If there is more I can think of, I shall certainly post it here.

Keep watching this d o u b l e s p a c e.

Looked up at the sky today. Clean blue. No cloud. No stains. Nothing. Just a clean crisp blue with the sun shining bright! Must be God's laundry day today.

Alas! He decides to wash his laundry in a furnace, because it's also been one of the hottest days so far.

P2C2U tagged me today. And considering it's a Sunday, and there ain't much to do, here we go!

If someone says 'Is this OK?', you say...
That's the way - Led Zeppelin
I see...

What would best describe your personality?
Born under a bad sign - Albert King
Damn! Double damn!

What do you like in a guy/girl?
God put a smile upon your face - Coldplay
That's more like the second thing!

How do you feel today?
Man who sold the world - Nirvana - Unplugged in New York
Not so much, but, yeah, a bit!

What is your life's purpose?
Can't help falling in love - Elvis Presley
Really?!?!

What is your motto?
Rockin' in the free world - Neil Young
Hell yeah!

What do your friends think of you?
Don't go to strangers - Joni Mitchell
Didn't know that, did i now!

What do you think of your parents?
Yesterday - The Beatles
Woah!

What do you think about very often?
Still loving you - Scorpions
Yeah?

What is 2+2?
Rock and roll - Led Zeppelin
It's great. As long as it's rock and roll, it doesn't matter how you got there!

What do you think of your best friend?
Piano man - Billy Joel
Piano woman, more like!

What do you think of the person you like?
Are you lonesome tonight - Elvis Presley
Ouch! Double ouch! But true as hell!

What is your life story?
Learning to fly - Pink Floyd
How I wish!

What do you want to be when you grow up?
Under Pressure - Queen
Like I'm not already!

What do you think when you see the person you like?
Like a Rolling stone - Bob Dylan
I'm confused!

What do your parents think of you?
Shake your hips - Rolling Stones
No! No! Certainly not! Positively not! Definitely not!

What will you dance to at your wedding?
Black Dog - Led Zeppelin
Much as I'd like to, I can't really dance! So...

What will they play at your funeral?
Return to sender - Elvis Presley
Now it certainly will!

What is your hobby/interest?
Thank you - Alanis Morissette
A bit off the mark, I should like to think.

What is your biggest secret?
Uptown girl - Billy Joel
Hahahahhahaha

What do you think of your friends?
Highway to hell - ACDC
Some of them, yes!

What should you post this as?
Losing my religion - REM
Ummm. ok!

I tag
Biprorshee

Travel home by local trains can be a great source of amusement at most times. At other times, it lets certain realities dawn on you, realities that would otherwise have been missed (say in the course of travelling home by an auto).

Just last night, i realised that there is good reason for the minorities in the city to rejoice! Because your religion now is of no importance to the Hindu. Yes, it's true! You can be a Muslim, a Christian, a Jew, a Buddhist, a Tao, a Zoroastrian, hell even an atheist! And you can travel shoulder to shoulder with the Hindu in that same stink box.

The only real threat is to those who have the audacity of entering this great Maratha city from the 'doodhwalla' lands. They will not be tolerated!

But then, there's always the bright side of things. The Maharashtra government may as well say they're trying to prevent another Godhra. After all, there can't be as many 'bhaiyyas' in the city as there are Muslims in the country!

I'm sure you, just like me and millions of others, have had dreams, or one dream at least. I'm also sure sometime one of your dreams has died. Yes, we all, to put it simply, become sad when a dream dies.

But what happens to a dream when it dies? The moment of the death of a dream, what is it like? Does the dream bleed? Does it stop breathing? Does it curl up? Does the dream become rigid. Does it go through rigor mortis? Does it become cold? Does it decay? Does it turn into something else? What happens?

Do you believe in the reincarnation of a dream?

As is obvious, this is about the Indian Premiere League, IPL, cricket on steroids, cricket's own stock market, Bollywood's fanciest names, whatever you want to call it.

Now, there's no reason for me to hide from you the fact that I'm a big, if not great, fan of cricket. I love the game. I know it was given to us by those who ruled us and all that, but I love the game. Which is probably why I'm a bit disillusioned as I see what's happening to it.

First you cut down a 5 day game to a 100 overs. Understandable. Then you cut it down to 40. Ok, people possibly don't have the time to watch a 100 overs.

But what's the need to add cheerleading hotties (who, more often than not, forget which team they're cheering for) and music videos and Almighty knows what else to this game? What is with IPL? What is with people endorsing it like it's the best thing to have happened to the game since its invention? What is it with millions being spent on 'buying' cricketers? What is with these very cricketers being asked to shift to dingy hotels because Preity Zinta's air kissing socialite friends need to be accommodated in a 5 star hotel?

Pray, am I making sense or is there something backwardly wrong with me?

Have you ever thought of the legendary dog? Have you ever thought what the legendary dog experiences? Have you ever given thought to the feelings of the legendary dog running behind a street car?

How many times have you seen the legendary dog give up on a street car? How many times have you seen the legendary dog give up on one street car and then start running behind another? Have you ever thought about what the legendary dog might feel like when he realises no street car is going to stop, in spite of the fact that the legendary dog is running behind it?

Has the thought ever occured to you that you might be the legendary dog running behind a street car that isn't going to stop, legendary as you may be?

Yes, most certainly we are! I'd like to apologize for the previous post, which spoke openly of a separated India. It is, as I realized very recently, far from the truth. In more ways than one, this is a country with more languages than we know, more religions than elsewhere and more people per square kilometer than elsewhere.

And there are, and always will be, things that bind us together, in bonds that may not be so obvious to an outsider. From the coldest regions to the hottest deserts, from the highest peak to the lowest trench, there are words and actions that connect us all.

For the cynics, try meeting your relatives after a decent time gap and notice the words after a few dozen hugs...

"Kitne bade ho gaye ho beta!".

PS: The words used in the above example are those of a north Indian family. Words and expressions may vary according to the origin of your family.

PS I: They may also vary to a large degree depending on your comfort levels with them.

PS II: As P2C2U rightly points out in her comment, words may also vary on your waist size at the time of the meeting.

This morning I woke up to find myself blessed with a   d o u b l e s p a c e d   gift. I can now travel in time! There's one stipulation, though. My time travel is limited to History textbooks alone.

So, like every normal human being, I wanted to know what the future held. So I shut me eyes, took in some deep breaths and found myself in a classroom in the future not so far (people weren't flying to work, you see). I found myself in the History lecture of Class 4.

The following is a more or less exact account of how Chapter 6 on page 72 went:


SSI (Separated States of India, formerly known as India, Bharat and Hindustan)

India was a country known to most humankind as one of the first civilizations. For centuries, Indians claimed to teach the world subjects such as Mathematics, Surgery, Economics, etc. It is now a known fact that it was in fact, Aryabhatta, an Indian mathematician, who gave the world zero!

Even in its prime, the country has claimed never to invade other countries in thousands of years. This, however, is a subject of debate considering the many 'military and strategic' movements in the borders of Pakistan. But that is not a subject this chapter will delve into.

For many years, this country with its 25 states and seven Union Territories (which counted in 28 states and seven UT's about a decade and a half before the separation) lived in peace. One of its strongest political mottos was secularism. However, much about that can be debated if you were to consider the many communal riots that constantly shook secular foundations. Towards the end of India as a united country, one of the most known riots were those that took place in True Hind (Gujarat earlier). Historians claim that these were more a cleansing of certain religious communities than actual angry riots. Research students have gone to the extent of claiming that these riots were state sponsored. There is a very interesting side to this - the India media. With pride, many television news channels announced that they were the first to telecast live riots in the country and they would keep up this new found tradition of true and brave journalism.

Also, Great State (formerly known as Maharashtra) saw its greatest riots in the form of the Bombay Blasts in the early 1990's. Many smaller riots continued to rock the state right up to the end of hte country. What surprises most historians is how one political party could muster up not only the courage, but also the manpower to create a sense of fear in the minds of those who did not originally come from this state. As late as 2008 (exactly 9 years before The Great Separation) the leader of this political party was quoted saying, "If you want to live in Mumbai (the capital) live like Mumbaikars," implying in context that the city and state belonged to Maharashtrians alone and anyone else who lived there must behave as the younger brother. This is a surprising claim because for centuries historians have agreed that if there was one city in the whole of United India that was formed by small portions of the entire country's population.

Not much has been recorded of events beyond this point because of the constant censorship on journalists around the country. However, what little has been recorded points towards such small rioting in metropolitan areas of the then united nation that led to the ultimate breakdown.

To conclude, it is only sad that a great civilization such as India should have collapsed because of personal vendettas and propaganda of a bunch of influential citizens. It is an irony that the very mixed cultures, traditions and religions that made India a unique nation should lead to her downfall and the subsequent creation of 35 new countries in the world.